Sanji and Zoro's Computer
by TheNinthMaiden
Summary: Modern-AU. Sanji's not the greatest with machines used outside the kitchen. But with an essay due and his laptop broken, he's not about to admit this to Zoro. Not if he wants to borrow his PC.
1. Sanji the TechnoWizard

**Author's Note:**

How do you break writer's block? By writing! Or something. I need to get my fingers moving so that I can get back to my other fics. So for now, Sanji gets to be toyed with. Modern AU setting, college campus type deal.

I justify this fic based off of movie 7 (G_iant Mecha Soldier of Karakuri Castle_ / _Karakuri-jō no Meka Kyohei)_. Good job Sanji, way to work those machines.

Rated high thanks to swearing and the brief browsing of a porn site (no, I don't describe it, but I figured I'd mention it).

* * *

You could always tell when Sanji got back to the dorm hall. The ever-lingering smell of cigarette smoke (that they never really tried to hide from the R.A.s) always intensified as he boldly strolled to the door with a cig dangling from his lips, nearly burned down from the walk across campus. It was defiant and bold and made some girls think Sanji had a bit of a bad boy edge that he was keeping hidden from the ladies (considering he was all smiles and fawning and flattery if they got within a fifteen foot radius of him). He, of course, was happy to let the ladies of the college give him that bit of mystery. He certainly would never just admit that it really just came down to severe nicotine addiction and a bad temper. The poor R.A., for his part, consistently failed to get Sanji to bow to the dorm rules, and when he'd even mentioned taking it up with the administrators had been given a not so subtle hint that that would be a bad idea.

The point was, however, that Zoro could always tell when his roommate was back before the man would ever even get to the door of their room. That was handy, in some ways, for the little early roommate alert had given him warning on a couple of occasions where Zoro did not, for one reason or another, want the blond walking in on him. There was no privacy in their dorm room. It was just a room with two beds, two desks, two closets, and no bathroom. You had to go down the hall to shower or to take care of business. So… knowing when your roommate was nearing the room early had its advantages for a young adult male in his prime, and that's all there was to say on the matter.

Today Zoro was just about on his way out. He had a class to attend, and he was pulling on a random 'clean-enough' shirt as the blond finally sauntered in. They exchanged sounds that passed as a 'hello' between them, even if they consisted of only one syllable. Sanji strolled over to his side of the room, depositing his messenger bag onto his desk while Zoro fumbled about for some shoes. Having greeted each other, the two didn't have a whole lot to say. It wasn't that they hated each other. They'd known each other in high school, and hadn't been terribly upset to find out they'd been assigned as roommates at the same college. But, they also weren't really in the habit of welcoming each other home and gushing about their days. However, before Zoro could head out the door, backpack carelessly slung over his shoulder, the blond caught him with a quick shout.

"Oy, let me use your computer."

Zoro paused and turned, face neutral as he looked at his roomie. He didn't ask something like 'why'. He wasn't that inquisitive. It wasn't as though Sanji would be doing anything terribly exciting with the PC anyway. He frowned just a little though, brow twitching at the thought of the wannabe cook touching it.

"You didn't fix your laptop yet?"

If at all possible, they usually avoided talking about the laptop incident. It'd proven to be safer for both them and their furniture if the matter was never even hinted at. Even now, both young men were trying to block it out of their minds, shove the memory away lest their tempers try to urge them into an instant replay. They'd both been drunk. Sanji had said something to get on Zoro's nerves. Zoro had retorted back in such a biting manner it seemed to defy his 'dumb muscle head' stereotype. Goaded on by the insult that was better than most Sanji tossed out, the blond had gotten in his face. Then Zoro had moved as if to remind the blond that 'hey, I'm bigger than you'. The blond had glared as if to say 'that just makes more of you to kick'. Testosterone and good old alpha male syndrome kicked in pretty easily, the pair grappling at first considering how close they were standing. But the minute space had been created between them, some rather illegal swords had been pulled from concealment and feet had started flying.

They'd both replaced their furniture already. Sanji had apparently yet to replace the laptop he'd sent a foot through. In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to leave it about on the floor. Lesson learned, don't leave your stuff cluttering up the ground, especially when you were prone to violent physical (and often bloody) combat with your roommate.

So when the blond just shook his head no, Zoro sighed and shrugged, turning back to the door. "Just don't try to download any porn, dartboard. My free antivirus ran out, so it's outta date or something." His voice was a drawl, only mildly antagonistic because he did indeed need to get to class. Besides, out of date just meant new viruses could slip past… the PC wasn't exactly defenseless and Sanji wasn't really a dumb blond when it came to stuff like that, was he?

"You're the one with the bookmarks," Sanji muttered at him, snorting out smoke through his nostrils as he watched the other head out of the room. He didn't head to the computer right away, kicking off his shoes and changing out of the clothes he wore to impress the ladies and into something comfortable and slummy and saturated with the smell of his cigarettes. He moved to crack the window open slightly, pausing for a moment to watch the commotion in the quad. His room was a good distance away, but it looked like it was Luffy at the heart of the matter, the campus clown's laughter ringing in Sanji's head even if he couldn't technically hear it from here. If Luffy was out there, then Usopp probably was too. He watched in mild amusement for a while, leaning against the sill on crossed arms, his cigarette mostly ignored and perched on his lips. From what he could see… something had been stolen from Franky… and there was a bit of a game of keep away going on. Whatever it the object was, it was small and brightly colored and apparently precious to the man. In all likelihood… Sanji was pretty glad he wasn't out there playing catch. He didn't have much desire to play with another man's Speedo.

He stubbed out his cig and moved to sit down at Zoro's desk, nudging the desktop PC he kept on the floor to life with his toe. Absently he pushed at the mild clutter Zoro had on his desk, clearing off enough space to drop his own battered Economics textbook down. The prospect of working on his Econ essay was not, of course, thrilling and exciting. He thought it was annoying that even though he was aiming to get into the culinary arts, he still needed to take business related courses. But, he understood that it'd be useful if he did end up owning his own restaurant some day, and so Economics had to be suffered through and passed. The only saving grace about that class was that the wonderfully lovely Nami was in it. She was one of the top students in the class, and it always made him swoon when she'd agree to tutor him… even if they both knew he didn't need it and she made him pay her quite a bit for the sessions.

"Okay… let's see…" He found the icon for the word document with no real problem, considering Zoro's virtual desktop was about as barren as could be. It even still had the default background image on it. Sanji double clicked to start up the word program, but his mind just was not on the Econ prompt right now. He felt probably like Luffy always did in a class, restless and with his mind on just about anything else possible. It wasn't like Sanji habitually had problems focusing. When he was cooking he could have made even the most disciplined monks jealous. When it came to other scholastic topics, he could usually at least settle down enough to get things done with solid quality. Passion or no, he wasn't really the sort to neglect what he needed to do.

Today though… he wasn't sure. Maybe it was the clean cloudless sky… maybe it was the antics of Luffy out on the quad… maybe it was just sitting at another person's desk… but Sanji was struggling to even remember the prompt of the essay. He turned his one visible eye to his desk, where he could see a pack of smokes sitting open on top. He licked his lips and his fingers itched to hold one. But he'd just smoked two in a row after his class, and while he knew at this point in his habits he was doomed anyway, he should really try to go at least an hour or so without one. Of course, that indulgent corner of his mind insisted he'd concentrate better with the nicotine calming him down. It seemed to make a lot of sense to him. He ground his teeth for a moment, waiting for some sort of conscience to fight back. It seemed his entire mind was in agreement that dead taste buds and future lung cancer weren't so bad. He got up, grabbed a cig and lit up, then was back staring at the blank word document.

He noticed, after about fifteen minutes, that he hadn't begun to type yet.

"Shitty Marimo's desk must be infecting me with his lethargy." Sanji kicked the desk with his heel in annoyance, the computer shaking from the indirect impact as well, as if somehow his roommate's belongings were the sole reason for his lack of productivity. With as much as the bastard seemed to nap all day, the blond was occasionally surprised the other finished his assignments on time. He rarely ever saw Zoro working on them. He knew that, despite what he'd say about the green haired one out loud, Zoro wasn't _stupid_. He was no genius and _certainly_ not as smart as Sanji… but you'd think the guy would have to crack a book sometime. Eager for the distraction, Sanji started to click through Zoro's documents folder, seeking out some sort of proof that the moss head actually did his homework. He found a few documents saved there, and he quickly opened one up and started to read. He was sorely disappointed when the essay was incredibly average and mundane and without any obvious stupidity he could mock. It cut the diversion short, and Sanji sighed and scratched his hands through his hair in frustration.

"The hell is my problem tonight?" With a disgruntled huff, the blond pushed out with his feet so that his legs could be stretched straight out even with his body sliding down further on the chair. He slid down until the top of the chair back propped his head up just at the base of his skull. His arms relaxed and fell to hang uselessly at his sides, fingers dusting the floor lightly as he stared vacantly at the ceiling and smoked. He had his cigs, he wasn't feeling hungry or sick, and the essay wasn't even something he would struggle with… if he could just find the motivation to get on it. That fifteen minutes from before couldn't even begin to compare with the half hour that he spent glaring up at the ceiling. It wasn't until ash from his cigarette fell onto his chest that Sanji stirred. He tapped out the cig and got up. He stretched up tall with his arms, bending and twisting down this way and that to try and get his blood moving. It was time to focus, it was time to get his work done.

Plopping back into the chair with determination, the blond dragged his textbook closer, flipping the pages and at last getting to the chapters he'd need to draw from to properly address the prompt. It seemed like at last his focus had returned to him, and his eyes skimmed the pages as his hand moved to take some quick notes in a small notepad he had. His mind began to organize, a thesis statement worked its way into his mind, and Sanji turned and looked back at the blank word document.

He typed exactly one sentence, stared at it, and then erased it all.

"Shit!" In utter frustration Sanji shut the word document program, feeling that maybe tonight he just wasn't going to get this essay done. _'Let's see… maybe Zoro will let me use his computer in the morning before I gotta get to class… I'll bribe him with booze or something. Or I guess I can hit up the computer lab… but if there are any hot girls there…'_ It was quite the conundrum that could easily be solved if he simply focused.

Slumping forward in defeat, Sanji propped his head on one hand as he clicked open the PC's internet browser with the other. He was defeated and bored, and at the very least he hoped to ease his boredom. He opened up Zoro's bookmarks, not of the mind to have to move his head off his hand to do something like type. So he looked at the web pages his green haired roomie had tagged. There weren't a ton of sword or kendo sites tagged, which both sort of surprised Sanji but made sense. Zoro didn't need to go on the internet to learn about something he already knew, and Sanji knew how annoying it could be to see self proclaimed internet gurus spout off incorrect information that swiftly got copied to site after site to inaccurate site. No, Zoro had some sites that were probably helpful for school, a few sites that provided maps and directions (Sanji snickered and deleted those, it wasn't as if they were helping the lost man anyway), but the only gold were the adult sites that Sanji had mentioned before.

Hey, they were men, and hey, it was Zoro's private computer. It wasn't like Zoro couldn't find women, Sanji had given up the room a couple nights when Zoro'd called him to tell him he was having a good date. But sometimes ya just had that itch.

Sanji didn't really have that itch himself at the moment, but he was bored, and he clicked on one site at random. _'No, it's not because I'm bored, it's because he told me not to. Like he calls the shots.'_ Sanji let his eyes trail over the video thumbnails, seeing curvaceous figures and all those little wonderful bits of a lady you only saw after you'd properly wooed her. He enjoyed the sight from the thumbnails for a bit, not inclined to sit around actually watching porn on Zoro's computer. He was going to navigate away when he paused and frowned. _'Is that…'_ Now that was a shocker… he didn't expect to see someone he recognized, least of all someone who he thought was attending this very college. Sanji licked his lips, debating. Did he really want to watch the video and confirm it was her? Torn between perversion and chivalry, his head finally won out with the simple fact that if he found out, he'd probably never be able to act normally around her again. If she noticed that she'd be hurt, and Sanji simply could not stomach the thought of hurting any of the goddesses he cared for so very much. Even if that goddess did internet porn.

Resolved not to look, Sanji _intended_ to move the mouse so he could click the web page closed. What he actually did was twitch his finger and click on one of the ads lining and blinking around the site. Quickly he tried to close it, not wanting to see whatever the heck would be sold off this site. While he did manage to close the pop-up, he didn't even get to blink his eye before another assaulted the screen. And then another… and another. It was a tidal wave of pop-ups, and Sanji quickly lost the 'close the window' race. The task bar filled up swiftly, and moving the mouse soon produced no results as the processor was overloaded by this application onslaught. Sanji clicked the mouse over and over, swearing with amazing variety and conviction at the machine in front of him. Every so often he would stop his mouse clicking and shaking to pound on the keyboard. _'What did Usopp tell me… what was it… hit umm… shift and alt and… no… esc? Fuck!'_

In the face of a frozen computer, Sanji tried to do what any panicked user would do. He decided to force the computer off. However, rather than holding the power button down until a force shut off occurred, Sanji fell to his knees, scrambled to the wall plug, and yanked it out. There was a small pop and the computer's fans whirred down and went still. Sanji held his breath, blinking and frozen, wondering if that pop had been a bad thing. Grabbing the computer tower he poked at the vents with his finger and sort of shook it (gently of course, or he thought it was), listening as it rattled softly. Was that good? He plugged the computer back in after a moment, waiting to see if it'd just sort of turn on. It didn't, so he climbed back onto the chair and pondered. Should he check and see if it was ok? He'd better. He pressed the button and waited as the computer started back up. Everything _seemed_ normal, though Sanji should have probably noted that the PC sounded rather quiet.

Until he did anything, everything looked fine. The desktop sat there with only a couple of new shortcuts installed onto it to tell of what he'd done. Feeling proud of himself for his quick thinking with computers (maybe he wasn't so bad with this high tech stuff after all), he deftly sent the icons to the recycle bin and emptied it out. There, Zoro would be none the wiser! Sanji, after that scare and excitement, actually felt less restless now, and turned to his Economics book again. Maybe he'd get that essay done tonight after all! He opened the word document and actually started to honestly work on it this time, and his mind forgot the computer troubles as he puzzled over his essay. Did he notice the slight burning smell that was in the room? Nope. You'd think as a cook he'd be very sensitive to it, but he didn't often cook plastic, and the smell was foreign to him. It wasn't until Sanji decided to turn to the internet to get some supplementary information for his topic did disaster pop up for round two.

The minute he opened the browser, the pop-up tsunami all but knocked him out of his chair. "What… oh shit… no no…" Knowing that clicking the mouse was a failed strategy, Sanji was about to dive under the desk again to go for the cord. Then he realized he hadn't saved his essay. Not even once. His jaw dropped as he stared at the screen covered in pop-ups, his precious essay completely swarmed over and gone. He let out a sigh and was about to pull out the power cord when he stared at the PC. "Weren't there fans going last time… am I smelling the PC?" No fans running, processor overloaded by the pop-ups, it didn't take too much longer for the inevitable to happen.

Congratulations Sanji, you burned out the processor.

Of course, Mr. Prince here didn't know what he'd done. But what he did know was that when he repeated his unplug replug steps this time, hitting the power button did nothing more than make a dull electric sound as absolutely _nothing_ happened on screen. He turned the computer on and off probably twenty times, his emotions ranging from pleading eventually building up to what he was now. Pissed.

"This is why I hate this shit! You don't deal with computers in the kitchen!" Of course, he was probably just mad that he'd destroyed the computer (which was probably ready to go anyway, considering how little he'd really done to it). It wasn't like he was a walking disaster when it came to machines, but once again it was proved to him he shouldn't do too much with them. In one last spiteful fit of rage at the machine, Sanji kicked it. Great idea… now it had a giant dent in it, and Sanji's bare foot was throbbing. Did he think to leave well enough alone? Did he think that if he just didn't ruin the hard drive, Zoro might not lose anything on the PC he needed? No, because Sanji really didn't think through how a computer really worked all that often. The computer was already broken and dented once… and Sanji needed to get out his anger. He put on his shoes. He made sure that if the computer wasn't dead before, it certainly was now.

When Zoro got back to the room after his classes, he was surprised to find Sanji still in the room. He wasn't sure, but he thought the curlbrow had some late night cooking class. But the blond was just standing, facing away from the door and looking out the window, smoking away. Zoro's instincts made him tense. Something was wrong. He turned his head quickly, eyes darting to the mangled and crushed remains of what had been his PC. His mouth fell open and a silent shout escaped his lips as he dropped his backpack onto the floor. Sanji finally turned his head so that he could just look at Zoro, face that fake sort of calm that the blond wore when he was really hoping for a good fight. "Your computer's busted," the blond drawled out, his voice just _daring_ Zoro to rise to the bait.

The vein in Zoro's temples throbbed and seemed to pop against the skin of his face, and three swords were drawn and ready before you could say go.

They'd need to buy furniture yet again… and add another computer to the shopping list.

* * *

Ha, yeah, so there ya go. I've burned out a processor before, much to my shame. Now Sanji has as well.

Hope you enjoyed, and that my little take on Sanji was fun for you all. I sort of like this set up… I wonder if anyone would want to see more… and if so… what the heck sort of pairing would be desired. Reviews are always welcome!


	2. No Safety In Numbers

**Author's Note:**

Yep, this shall be multi chaptered. Not a _lot_ of chapters… but there are more.

Thank you so much for the reviews! It's a great confidence booster.

In regards to my talk about pairings, no need to toss suggestions at me now. This fic doesn't really _need_ pairings, so if you want any make them up in your head as you read along I suppose. Now, please enjoy Sanji's further descent into computer hell…

* * *

The rattling, buzzing and vibrating squawks of the alarm clock pierced through the dual snores that battled within the dorm room, declaring itself the most annoying sound in the room and winning the title of 'thing that must be made to shut up NOW'. Sanji's hand slammed down onto the remnants of the nightstand beside him, a loud smack ringing out into the air as the alarm continued on. As if propelled by a life of its own, his hand continued to shift and thump and thud across the wood of the stand, desperately seeking out the tiny electronic that always _used_ to be right here. Eventually the hand was forced to give up in its search, sending a message of defeat off to the brain. Sanji snorted and cracked open his eyes, a haze of disorientation radiating off of him as he wondered why in the world he was awake right now. Fragmented dreams of curvaceous goddesses leaked out of his head as the sound of the alarm filled it, immediately filling the blond with an irritated anger that was really not the way he liked to wake up.

"Where the hell is it?"

His body moved to sit up swiftly, legs flipping over the side of his bed and feet coming down with force onto the floor. Or they really should have. Instead the sound of the alarm was twisted and mangled into pure silence as one foot went straight down through the plastic contraption of annoyance. The string of curses that erupted from Sanji's mouth like so much cigarette smoke could have made even his old man Zeff blush. Hopping like a wounded chicken on one foot, Sanji pulled his foot up towards his face, staring at the blood and lodged chunks of plastic that protruded forth from his skin. He all but radiated murder as he started to pull the bits of plastic out of his foot, tossing the pieces about the room at random, no doubt to later come back to poke him in the foot some other day.

As he raged at the bastard and traitorous alarm clock, finding a way to get to his cigs and light up while doing so, his head finally returned to the question of 'what the fuck am I doing awake when my class isn't for another 3 hours…' He blinked, puffing out some smoke and coming to some sort of sanity again. _'Oh yeah… I needed to wake up early to hit the campus PC lab… since I didn't get that essay done last night.'_ Whether it was the remembering of his purpose for the day or the nicotine, Sanji started to calm down, sparing a glance down at his foot again. It wasn't too bad… though maybe he'd have to wear sandals today and spare his foot the constraints of a sock and shoes. He typically disliked sandals, of course, considering they did nothing to really protect the foot when kicking.

He started to move about the room, the dull sound of Zoro's snores so common that he didn't pay his roommate any mind at all. He needed to dress for the day, taking care and precision to look as stylish as possible _without_, of course, looking so stylish that his sexuality could come into question. He wanted to _attract_ the ladies… not become their 'gay friend'. Granted… in the movies that somehow meant that ladies would be more than happy to sit around in their bras and such around him… which would be bliss… but he wouldn't get to _do_ anything and therefore was a little slice of hell in its own right. When he was ready and satisfied with his clothing choices, he grabbed up his Econ book again and his messenger bag, stuffing the book in and turning for the door. He stopped dead and scowled.

"Oy shithead, what the hell are you doing?" There, sleeping propped against the door was Zoro. The other was fully dressed for the day, backpack carelessly propped up next to him. He had the look of someone who'd just fallen asleep in what they'd been wearing the day before, but Sanji remembered what people wore (stupidly enough), and the marimo must have changed clothes at some point after their fight. The other man's arms were crossed over his chest, and he seemed every bit the slacking sentinel. Sanji sent a quick glance over towards Zoro's bed. Yeah… after last night's fight it should really be replaced, but it was still sleepable. It wasn't as though the marimo was all that picky about where he slept, why the hell did he pick the door for his new napping spot? Zoro's eyes opened slowly, gaze leveling onto Sanji immediately. Obviously, there was still quite a bit of animosity left over from last night.

"An asshole broke my computer last night." His voice was a low drawl, equal parts bored and annoyed with Sanji. The blond scowled and puffed smoke out of his nose.

"So?" He retorted back at the green haired one, ever the king of witty remarks. Zoro rose to his feet, looking unconcerned as he hefted his backpack up onto his shoulder. He set his jaw and stared at Sanji.

"So my paper is gone… I gotta type up a new one." Sanji stared at Zoro with a look that clearly said 'and I should care… why?' Zoro stared back, expectant yet refusing to put to words what exactly he was getting at. The two glared at each other some more, which was pretty normal, but the wheels in Sanji's head were slowly turning. Zoro's brow twitched, as if he could see the blond was getting close to figuring it out. There was another tense moment, before a grin spread right across Sanji's face, like some sort of devilish imp on a really great acid trip. _'He can't get to the lab on his own.'_ Zoro tensed, as if he wanted to grab for his swords. Sanji tapped a foot on the floor, as if testing out just how well his feet could take an impact in sandals today. The blond's seemingly lazy fighting stance reflected off of Zoro's poised and aggressive one, both men reading the situation. "Don't even think it…" Zoro grumbled out.

Sanji took one more long, slow drag of his cigarette. Honestly? After breaking Zoro's computer he certainly owed the self-proclaimed swordsman an escort to the computer lab. But hell… he didn't have to make it easy on him now did he?

It was like the start of a horse race, the gates snapping open and the mighty beasts surging out onto the track in a flurry of hoof beats and flying dirt. Sanji didn't charge Zoro, but rather spun on his heel, flinging open their window and kicking out the screen before he pitched his body out. Did it matter that they were on the second floor? Not at all. Sanji hit the ground with a deft roll, doing what he could to absorb most of the initial fall onto his non-mangled foot. He didn't cast a glance over his shoulder until he was already running, seeing that Zoro had followed him right on out the window, the snarl of a hunting wolf vibrating off of him. Still, Sanji knew even with a hurt foot he was faster than the other, and his longer legs should surely help him outpace the other. He sprinted towards the quad, ignoring the stares of the few other students out and about and up this early.

He was making great time when suddenly the sound of laughter started to hit his ears, gaining in volume so quickly that Sanji almost thought someone had thrown a radio with a laugh track playing at him. It was no radio that collided with him and sent him to the ground, however, but the tangled arms and legs of Luffy. The campus clown obviously had no idea what was going on or why Sanji was running, but if it looked like a game of tag then it seemed he was determined to be involved. Sanji swore and started trying to push and kick Luffy off, twitching when he heard Zoro's voice shouting from far too near.

"Luffy! Hold him down!" Luffy nodded at the command, that weird laugh of his escaping through his teeth as Sanji struggled. He swore the dark haired kid's limbs felt like rubber sometimes, but Sanji was not to be beat. He fixed his gaze on Luffy seriously.

"Meat… and _lots of it_… if you let me go now and trip Zoro up."

"Woo!" Luffy was up and off of him and racing to tackle Zoro in a heartbeat, and Sanji dashed off to the sounds of Zoro's angry protests and threats. Sure, Luffy wasn't honestly going to buy him much time, but the bastard had tried to use Luffy against him first, so it was only fair right? Right. In the end, however, Sanji and Zoro ended up at the door to the computer lab only minutes apart, both panting and sending non-verbal insults at each other between gasps for air. Zoro seemed to recover faster, and vaguely something in the back of Sanji's mind pointed out that perhaps if he didn't smoke so much he wouldn't be struggling for air. He ignored that part of his head, and stalked into the computer lab, sliding his school id through the card reader to gain access. The lab was surprisingly full, and Sanji hesitated as he scanned about for an open station. Much to his chagrin, this meant that Zoro was able to amble heavily over to the only open spot and plop down, casting a victory smirk over his shoulder at the blond. To make matters worse, Sanji could swear Zoro mouthed 'don't break anything' at him. Sanji seethed and promised much vengeance to be served later.

His eye darted about, from the clock on the wall to the rows of filled computers, anxiety over this being a wasted trip making him want to pull for a cig right now. That 'no smoking' sign could go to hell. Luck _seemed_ to be on his side, however, as a student rose, pulling up his stuff and vacating a station. _'Sweet!'_ Sanji hurried over, not wanting his seat to get sniped from him. He checked the clock again, noting he only had about an hour and a half to type up his paper. It wasn't going to be anything stunning, but hopefully he could churn out something passable. It'd be better than not turning anything in at all at any rate. He quickly pulled out his Econ book and his essay notes from last night and tried to get his fingers moving. It was working, too. It might have been the rapidly approaching deadline, it might have been that he wasn't sitting at Zoro's computer, but his focus seemed spot on this morning. A clear and concise thesis turned into a passable intro paragraph, and one paragraph was quickly growing to two, then three, and so on. It was helpful to have his notes, and citing his sources from the textbook wasn't being as troubling as it could have been.

All in all… if that IM window hadn't popped up, Sanji would have certainly been well on his way to a passing paper.

The blinking on the taskbar caught his eye immediately, and Sanji snorted. _'Just closing the IM window doesn't close the program… even I know that.'_ You didn't want to accidentally leave the wrong sort of chat up on a public computer, or give someone else access to your IMs for mass spamming. However, as Sanji had things he really needed to get done, namely his essay, he was about to let this slide and let the guy who'd been sitting here before off easy. That was, of course, until he saw the name on the IM window. _'IslandBabe777Hot…?'_ Yes, shamefully, the name was enough to make Sanji pause, not closing the program down yet. He tapped his finger on the mouse lightly, not enough for it to actually register as a click, but enough to make a small thoughtful sound. _'Well, it couldn't hurt to see what she has to say… it's his fault for leaving it up…'_ Yes yes, he knew that on the Internet this could easily just be some dude… but hey… this wasn't his IM account… so whatever right?

'R U still there lover?'

This got a rise of Sanji's eyebrows, and he looked over his shoulder as if the guy was on his way back to the PC. But the student seemed to have left for good, and Sanji turned back around. To type or not to type? He didn't really care about screwing some guy over, but was it right to deceive a lady like this? He chewed on the inside of his cheek, and was forced to do the honorable thing. Sorta.

'No, he left. This isn't him, he just left his IMs open.'

There. Now she could easily back down and exit the conversation. Sanji could then get back to his essay and everything would head on back to normalcy (or well, his version of it anyway). There was no response for quite some time, and Sanji was about to go ahead and close down the IMs when that telltale flash stopped him.

'O' Came the typed response, followed a beat later by another. 'r u a guy?'

Sanji scratched at his chin, a sinking feeling in his gut telling him to just close the program now, while another feeling slightly lower urged him to hurry up and reply.

'Yeah.' Well, he was officially side tracked now. The response wasn't delayed this time.

'r u cute?' There was a little winking emote at the end, and Sanji like the love-idiot he was couldn't help but smirk a little for no good reason. He flexed his fingers, then typed up his reply.

'Cuter than the guy who was sitting here before.' He hit enter before he could think up something appropriately charming and witty to add to the end of that statement, and was a bit surprised at how fast the next response came.

'do u have a pic?' He stared at the heart emote at the end of that statement, and felt slightly silly at how happy that made him. Still, when did Sanji ever keep his head when talking to a girl? Never mind that this one wasn't actually confirmed as such.

'Sadly I don't… this isn't my computer after all.' Trying to think up some way to tempt the Internet gods into luring her into sending one of her own pictures, Sanji was nearly floored when the offer came.

'do u want to c me?' Again with the winking face, and again Sanji's nethers wanted him to answer with an emphatic YES I DO want to see. It was a gamble, but the chance to get lucky was always worth following… right?

'Sure.' He sent back, attempting to seem casual. The way he pounced to click the link that popped up, of course, completely betrayed him. Sadly, he was met with a screen that seemed to thwart his budding romance. Whatever site this girl was linking to, the school's firewalls weren't going to let him get to it. He cursed under his breath, annoyed beyond words. Not that he wanted to be caught ogling girls in the PC lab… but… still. 'I can't see it, sadly. Campus firewall blocks it.'

'o damn' Came the reply, then a moment later. 'hang on, I kno sumthing that will get it through'.

Danger alarms really should have gone off in Sanji's head. They should have. They didn't. Another link popped up, followed by some text.

'just click that and hit ok. I don't kno y the school blocks that site… its ok I promise'. A promise from a (potentially) lovely lady? That was good enough for the blond! He clicked the link and, yes, hit 'ok' when prompted. Something seemed to start running, and Sanji watched, not really knowing what the command window was doing popping up and such. But whatever was going on was quick, and windows kept opening and closing and dimly Sanji was starting to be glad that it wasn't _him_ logged onto this computer, but whoever else had sat down before him. He licked his lips; hope springing up as a window opened and picture started to load. But it wasn't a woman that popped up on his screen at all… but rather something rather nauseating with words that should not be strung together anywhere. The image was on screen for only a moment before it froze Sanji's computer, and he nearly picked up the keyboard to smack himself upside the head with it. He was stopped only when he heard an outburst from another student in the lab.

"What the hell?"

"Huh?!"

The outbursts were popping up through the room, and when the person at the computer next to him made his own exclamation of surprise, Sanji leaned over to see. There, up on the screen, was the exact same image as Sanji had on his. "The fuck?" He muttered, standing up swiftly to see that one by one all the computers in the lab were slowly falling prey to this attack. He wasn't the only one on his feet, which helped of course, as he was suddenly very much aware that this was _his_ fault. It wasn't that he was afraid of the other students in the lab, who were all rapidly becoming enraged and upset with the situation. It was mostly that, well… he didn't need the school finding out it was him who'd let something into the network. So he tried to act as confused and outraged as everyone else in the room, only faltering in his act when he suddenly got dragged into the gaze of one very angry, very irate, and very murderous looking marimo. Sanji tensed, and that was all the proof that Zoro needed to know that for the second time, Sanji's idiocy with computers (and women) were screwing him over.

'_Don't say anything… don't say anything.'_ How would Sanji live this down if Zoro ratted him out? But his roommate just seemed to sigh in frustration, before grabbing his things and stalking out of the lab without a word. Sanji watched him tensely, temped to race after him… yet he knew he didn't really need to. For everything he could ever accuse Zoro of… there was some weird code of manly honor that the muscle head followed. Others might rat Sanji out, but Zoro never would. No… Zoro would just settle things up later, in his own way. In a way he thought was fair. The school lab tech made it in, and delivered the bad news that everyone was probably going to lose whatever they'd just been working on. Sanji groaned and slouched his way out of the lab, lighting up a cig and slowly making the death march towards his Econ class. All told, not getting the essay done was the least of his defeats in the past two days… but all the same at least getting _that_ done would have made things a bit easier to swallow.

Smoke trailed along behind him as he walked, his eyes promising death to any male who tried to approach him, and even his swooning seemed to be a little bit less enthusiastic. He was nearly at the Econ class when he saw _her_… his lovely Internet porn goddess (unconfirmed). She saw him and waved, and with a smile that seemed just a little bit guilty he waved then swiftly swiveled in direction. He felt like a cad doing it… but he just couldn't face her with that thought that she… of all people… was doing that sort of thing. Just as he'd feared, now he was feeling awkward around her, and the worst part was he hadn't even watched the video. He felt cheated in a way, yet tried to hide it under chivalry and the notion that he'd done the right thing by not looking. Never mind the fact that he'd been on the site at all of course. All told, it started to become clear to him.

'_I've got to swear off Internet women.'_

* * *

How do you top breaking one computer? Break many of course! Somehow I feel Sanji should have been smart enough to avoid this… yet at the same time I feel no remorse for forcing this situation upon him. I blame one of those airline commercials that played a while ago… essentially similar idea of ruining a network, though it was email and not IMs.

More chapters to come, yes, there's a tiny story running through this all. Until later! Reviews are always welcome.


	3. Cooks and Apples

**Author's Note:**

Wow… so normally I reply to all the reviews I get personally… and I totally failed at that this time. Sorry! Reviews are ALWAYS always loved. Never forget that! Ha. Oh, and as was asked, yes, some of the rest of the crew will be seen a little more. More Zoro and Nami this chapter… and Usopp in the next. Luffy always has the chance of showing up… I just never seem to know…

Forward and onward Sanji!

Disclaimer: I have nothing against Macs! I use them occasionally; I have no issues with them.

* * *

It was as if there was a mini cloud of doom resting right on Sanji's shoulders, raining down mocking droplets onto his head that rested lamely on the desk. He was hunched over, contemplating his Econ grades and wondering just how badly not turning this essay in was going to screw him over. Why had he even bothered to drag his sorry behind to class anyway? That computer lab incident seemed like a pretty good sign to him that _nothing_ even remotely good could happen today. Fate was against him, and if he'd ditched class then he could have at least suffered through the situation with a smoke, rather than in class without one. _'Stupid shitty asshole professor… he'd just get me on attendance… drop my grade further.'_ Sanji would have loved to kick the professor and his obsessively rigid policies through the wall.

Gloom still hanging over him, he didn't even notice when his lovely Nami walked into class. He didn't want to look up. If he looked up he'd just see 'Essay due TODAY' scrawled up on the whiteboard, and he figured it'd be a bad thing if it happened to piss him off so much he kicked through it. _'Shitty unreliable computers… why can't we just… hand write our stuff.'_ Long live pens and paper right? Right? The clock was ticking towards the start of class, and Sanji idly hoped the professor wouldn't show up. The jerk was always walking in right as the bell rang though. It was annoying. Continuing to grumble away in his head, and occasionally hitting upon thoughts that somehow made this all his roommate's fault, Sanji flinched when a hand slapped down onto his desk right in front of his face. He shot up to yell at whatever asshole had done this, but immediately turned into a heart filled ooze when he realized whom it was.

"Nami?" He almost jumped up out of his chair in an attempt to do… do… something for her. She'd needed to hit his desk to get his attention! How could he be so stupid as to allow her to harm that delicately lovely little hand of hers? He reached for it, so that he could kiss away the pain and make it all better, when suddenly a stapled set of papers was forced into his grip instead. He blinked, his mind failing to make any sense of the situation. He heard the gorgeous Nami sigh and opened his mouth to speak. Apparently, she thought better of letting him do so.

"You dropped this outside of the classroom, Sanji…" Oh how Sanji loved it when Nami spoke like that. No one but the redhead could purr out a threat as well as she could! He was about to start praising her on it, or perhaps something equally idiotic was about to tumble out of his mouth, but it was cut off when Nami suddenly leaned very very close to him. His world went white and his body ceased to be an object he was capable of controlling. Her breath came right by his ear, and it was amazing he didn't immediately collapse into a fit of love struck boneless convulsions. "Fifty dollars after class," she whispered oh so lovingly into his ear, and Sanji's heart melted into eternal happiness at the consideration his goddess had given him. There in his hands was a perfectly good essay, his name on the cover sheet just like he normally did it.

- - - - -

Peeling an orange in the quad after class, Sanji watched in absolute and utter adoration as Nami's wonderfully graceful and dexterous fingers counted money out of his wallet. They were the fingers of a princess… a queen! They slipped through the paper money as if they were dancing along. It made him swoon. Yeah, you be the guy who told Sanji men didn't swoon, just see what happened to you. Ever so carefully making sure to get all the white of the peel off of the wedge of orange, he reached out with devotion in an attempt to feed it to the lovely redheaded goddess sitting right before him. The teeth that nearly caught the orange… and his hand… were certainly _not_ Nami's however. There was the sound of teeth clacking shut over nothing, followed by an indignant whine.

"Hey Sanji! I was gonna eat that!"

"No kidding you asshole… this isn't for you!" Sanji held the orange wedge, as well as the rest of the orange, protectively to his chest. In front of him as if by magic, the boy with the silly straw hat was dusting off his knees. Luffy eyed the orange as if he would lunge headfirst for it anyway, and very well may have if it hadn't been fruit. Sanji glared daggers at the other, who only stared back blankly. Sanji cast a glance to his Nami when Luffy didn't seem about to try and eat his arm off trying to get to the oranges.

"I'm so sorry that this brute came between you and your snack," he crooned, and Nami waved her hand dismissively. It wasn't as if she would ever let Sanji hand feed her, she'd had no intention of that in the least. Instead she pulled out a couple of bills from Sanji's wallet, and handed them over to Luffy.

"Luffy? Here. Go to the cafeteria and buy yourself some lunch."

"Woo! Thanks Nami!" The campus clown grabbed up the money and was off in an instant, whooping and hollering before getting side tracked and dashing somewhere else for some new mischief. Some small part of Sanji's head registered that Nami had just given Luffy some of _his_ money to buy lunch with… but of course it must have been on accident! Or… she had… known he'd give Luffy money anyway or… maybe he'd done something that she'd taken as a gesture to give Luffy money. _'Or she wants to be alone with me that much!'_ The wellspring of deluded hope flowed forth eternally, and Sanji nearly collapsed to the ground at the quick thinking and consideration of his goddess.

"That's Nami… always so smart… knowing just what to do…"

Nami seemed like her patience for Sanji's romantic idiocy was wearing thin, and she passed his wallet back to him. "So Sanji… what happened… it's not like you to not have an essay…"

The haze of hormones and hearts seemed to lift away for now, and Sanji sighed. "My laptop's still broken… and Zoro's PC broke last night…" He didn't go into the details, of course, considering details of both incidents would only shame him in front of this goddess. Nami gave a shake of her head.

"And then you went and ruined the campus PC lab…"

Sanji went white as a ghost, ready to die on the spot. Even his precious Nami had found out that he'd been behind the computer incident of this morning? Did the entire school already know? Sanji wanted to dig a hole into the ground and never emerge. Nami (who'd only been joking in what she'd said and was now trying very hard not to laugh at the truth of it all) waved her hands in a placating manner in front of Sanji. He looked so embarrassed and mortified… even she could have a heart sometimes. She had just made fifty bucks off of him and all; she might as well give him a little after service as well.

"You should probably go get a new laptop soon Sanji… I'm sure we'll have more papers to write soon… and the midterms of course…"

"You're right of course… you're so wonderful when you're being so sensible…"

Nami fought back a twitch in her eye, and continued. "You know… I could go with you, if you like. Help you pick out a new laptop?" Yes, she could sense pretty well that Sanji couldn't possibly be very computer literate. But that wasn't entirely the point. This wasn't just a charity mission. If she went shopping with Sanji, well, there was always the possibility of getting something for herself now wasn't there? Sanji had already jumped to take a knee before her, grabbing up her hand and pressing it to his chest in a dramatically _stupid_ gesture.

"You would go with me Nami? My heart bursts with joy at your…"

"I'm goin' too."

The sound of that voice crushed absolutely _all_ joy out of Sanji, who turned and bristled at Zoro like a cat whose tail had just been stomped on.

"No one invited you!" He snarled, though Zoro merely pressed a finger to his ear, trying to block out some of the annoying noise coming out of the cook. Now Zoro was _not_ the sort who would blackmail Sanji into giving him a ride to the store to pick up a new computer. However, Sanji was the sort of person who, when faced with that silent deadpan gaze of Zoro's would start inventing points of contention between them. So the blonde's mind only too easily took this as a threat, and he bristled inwardly. "But fine… you should thank me and the dazzling Nami for allowing you to come with us!" He swiveled to Nami again, apology written all over his face. "I'm so sorry that this brute shall be coming with us…"

Nami eyed Zoro, and the green haired student eyed her right back. "It's no problem at all Sanji," she said with a grin. Still, something in her voice seemed to clearly say 'so long as he doesn't get in my way'. Zoro seemed to pick up on it and gave a small grunt of 'I'll do what I want'; Sanji was deaf to it of course.

- - - - -

The three took Sanji's car to their local 'everything electronic you could possibly want' store, which was maybe four or five miles away from campus by the highway. The trio might have exited the car together, and entered the store together, but they very swiftly broke apart and ambled away from each other. Nami promised she'd be right there to help Sanji pick out a laptop, but wanted to go browse for a few things first. Zoro, ever the shop-a-holic of course made a beeline for the desktop computers, grabbing the first box he came to, only giving it enough of a glance over to know that it was indeed a computer. He was ready to go within two minutes. Sanji on the other hand wandered a bit aimlessly through the rows of laptops on display. He sort of wanted to pick one out before Nami got there, just so he could prove to her that he was perfectly capable with electronics. But all of the laptops, save for size and price, seemed the same to him.

Reaching up to sort of test out some of the display models that were on, Sanji noticed that one of the screens was dark. Was it not on? He swished his finger against the touchpad, tapped a few keys, and noticed it didn't respond. He looked for a power button or something, but didn't see one on the front. Without really thinking he moved to spin the laptop around, look for a switch on the back. There was a very plastic sounding snap as he did so, and the laptop slid forward off the slanted display shelf at him. Sanji fumbled and shoved it back up, narrowly stopping it from falling to the floor. His eyes shot about in guilt, looking to see if anyone had witnessed that. He saw that shitty marimo staring at him. There was a rather smug smile on his face and Sanji bristled… until he heard a small crack. His eyes shot back to the laptop that now had a slightly cracked screen. Sanji gulped and loosened his grip, propped the laptop up as well as he could, and started to move away from the scene of the crime.

Zoro strolled over, PC box under one arm. "Hurry up and grab one so we can go," he drawled out. For once, Sanji sorta grudgingly had to agree that just grabbing one and leaving sounded really good. He cast a glance at the laptops, deciding he'd pick the first one he saw that was cheap and had a full sized keyboard. He didn't want to be here shopping with this idiot. His hand was reaching for a box when his arm was touched by an angel.

"Sanji? What are you doing over here? Come with me and look at the Macs! I think it'd suit you much better!" Dragging the now boneless blond along by the arm, Nami guided him towards the Apple section of the store, a very harassed looking Zoro following the trail of hearts left behind. Was it too much for Zoro to ask for _anything_ involving the wanna be cook to go smoothly? He yawned and cast a glance towards a random wall of the store, longing for a nap. But knowing the bastard he'd just get left behind. Nami was already showing off some of the new MacBooks to the blond, and Sanji had that painful look of someone trying to pretend they knew what was being talked about. He laughed and agreed with Nami here and there, of course, but when Zoro noticed just what it was Nami was trying to urge into the cook's hands that scowl on his face went a bit deeper.

"MacBook Air? You don't need that," Zoro said flatly, butting into the conversation. No, Zoro was no computer guru, but that laptop seemed to be very new and loaded with power the technology addled cook surely didn't need. It looked thin and flimsy too… nothing thin and flimsy lasted long in their dorm room. Besides… it was expensive. On the whole, Zoro saw it as a waste of money.

Sanji bristled, of course, at being told what he did and didn't need by Zoro. It didn't matter that he was internally sweating bullets trying to figure out how he could budget this purchase that Nami so very much seemed like she wanted him to get. Buying this Mac would hurt his wallet quite a bit. If only his Nami would think better of the notion and slide on over to get something a little more reasonable? The redhead eyed Zoro, however, as if he were challenging her for control of the blonde's wallet. Hey, if she could get him to buy this, then she could get him to buy her anything, right? She placed her hands on her hips.

"Just because Zoro can't understand quality, doesn't mean we don't, isn't that right Sanji?"

"That's right Nami!" Sanji crooned out on cue. Zoro rolled his eyes, though he didn't take his gaze off of Nami for too long. Now in truth, Zoro didn't really care if the blond ran out of cash or whatever. He also didn't think he should have to clean up for his idiotic ways. _However_, what he was getting from Nami here was a clear challenge… and Zoro backed down from no challenge. He crossed his arms and tried a different tactic… time to insult the pride.

"Hmph, maybe you should get it… I hear Macs are good for people who can't figure out computers. Ya know, idiot proof and all that." The cook twitched, and so did Nami. Zoro shrugged. "Good call after all Nami."

Nami needed to do something quickly before the blond (accurately) assumed that Nami thought he was too terrible with computers to handle another PC. "That's just PC elitism," Nami snapped out, petting Sanji's arm. "Anyone who knows anything doesn't buy into that! Besides, Sanji's so sophisticated… and when he starts his own restaurant he'll want a Mac for design… for his menus and such… right Sanji?" She fluttered her eyes and smiled at him, and Zoro wondered how someone could stroke an ego that much and not feel dirty. The blond was eating out of her hand, though, and the triumphant look she cast Zoro showed she knew it. Did Zoro really need to stoop to this next tactic? Even he thought it was a low blow. But… he couldn't just back down here…

"Sophisticated… right. Hey Sanji, you know who I saw carrying one of those flimsy things about?" He saw Nami tighten her grip on Sanji's arm, but she couldn't stop the words Zoro was about to say. "Your pal Bentham… I bet you can get matching sets…" Sanji's jaw dropped open at the mention of Bentham, or as he preferred to be called 'Bon Kurei'. Zoro knew for certain that Sanji would _not_ want any sort of association with _that_ particular individual. The blonde's mouth started moving, and Zoro could see the protest finally forming on Sanji's lips. But that's when the witch pulled out the dirtiest card she had. Turning to ever so accidentally brush her front side against Sanji's arm, her words dripped with the honey of deception.

"I think men who buy Macs are sexy." Sanji didn't even miss a beat, throwing his arms up into the air.

"I'm getting the MacBook! It suits me perfectly!"

Nami grinned wide at Zoro, who scowled back in defeat. "Idiot," he muttered, and Sanji all but seemed to spit fire at him.

"Oy asshole, you can walk home!"

"Fine," Zoro snapped, and headed off for the registers to pay on his own. Sanji picked up the box for his shiny new notebook, and Nami smiled at him coyly. Time to get a present for herself, right?

"Hey Sanji… mind if we go look at the iPod Touch? I think they're just so cute… but I haven't been able to afford getting one yet…"

"Of course my love!" Sanji cooed out, while in his pocket his wallet began to silently weep.

* * *

**End notes:**

Yes yes yes… I stole from the Groggy ring situation there… I admit to it. That part made me laugh so much… that Zoro would even attempt such psychology with Sanji.

Anyhow… two more chapters of this I think. Until later!


	4. Print Screen

**Author's Note:**

Continuing? Yes. Proceeding with this story after completely forgetting where I was even going with this in the first place? Of course!

So yes, I can't honestly say how many more chapters of this there will be any more or if there will be more. I suppose, open ended as this feels, I'll simply keep running with it until I run out of techno-disasters for Sanji to run into (or until a plot completely runs away with this setting and turns this story into something else entirely). For anyone who really likes this story and wants me to keep running on it… do let me know. My inspiration is running dry (for this story at any rate).

Thanks for the reviews! They stopped me from forgetting about this. I always love comments. They keep my mind plotting.

* * *

The smell of cigarette smoke lingered about the dorm, the telltale sign that Sanji was at home. After two straight days of failing to get used to his new Mac, the cook had reached his limit. There was just _no way_ he'd be returning his purchase and exchanging it for the safely familiar PC laptops he was used to. It simply wasn't an option. The lovely radiant and wonderful Nami had assisted him in this selection, and if it was gone so soon then it _might_ seem as if he were saying she had no taste. Or something inanely stupid like that, Sanji's mind was doing a wonderful job getting insulted for her. Never mind that in reality, it was highly unlikely the redhead would care at all, should she actually notice. Still, if he'd struggled with computers before, now it was only worse as old habits and knowledge constantly trickled out, making him confused over the smallest of differences. Hitting 'Apple C' instead of 'Control C' to copy something, for instance, honestly shouldn't have thrown him for such a loop… but his tight fuse with these mechanical mysteries sent him into fits all too often of late.

Thus, after a couple of days of thinking his new notebook would make a very wonderful Frisbee or maybe even a funky serving platter, Sanji had taken action. He'd sought out Usopp, the one buddy he knew who was a computer genius (granted it didn't take much to be a computer genius in Sanji's eyes), and asked him what in the world he could do. Perhaps the handiest thing about going to Usopp for a problem was that despite your having to put up with a certain amount of bragging and shamelessly glorifying story telling, he didn't tend to charge you for it. Well, he might _act_ like he was going to charge you, but if you gave him a stern (aka violent) look he stopped kidding around and told you he could never take your money. Such a kidder that guy!

Usopp had let him know that short of exchanging the notebook or simply _learning_ to use it and getting used to the negligible differences, there was the option of installing a program so he could run Windows on it. There were a few different ones out there sold commercially or… as Usopp had so shrewdly guessed Sanji might prefer, there were versions that could be installed that were shockingly free of charge but shouldn't be bragged about having. Sanji stared at him blankly, stating he'd never brag about any computer program anyway. Usopp tried a few other subtle and tactful ways of hinting that Sanji was getting cracked software, but the cook's annoyance just continued to grow, and for safety's sake, Usopp laid it out as bluntly as possible. Pirated software, don't go taking it in to commercial stores for repairs and whatnot.

"Oh, why would I do that when I have you?" Sanji had muttered, as if it was only natural that Usopp should come to his aid for all his computer related misfortunes. Usopp was silenced for a moment by what must have seemed to him like an ignorant deadpan.

"Haha… yeah… what was I thinking…" There was something a bit cheeky in Usopp's tone, but an aggravated yet questioning glance from Sanji simply had the long nosed student swiftly turning back to monitor the progress of the install. Sanji let out a snort of smoke, shrugging it off and trying to return to his calm smoking routine by the window. When the sound of dried noodles hitting the ground reached his ears for possibly the thirteenth time so far that night, his temper exploded.

"LUFFY KNOCK IT OFF!" A foot lashed out viciously, connecting with the straw hat wearing student and sending him rolling towards the door. Luffy simply laughed away despite the head trauma, perhaps hinting that there simply was nothing worth hitting in his head after all. Sanji stormed away from the window, trying to snatch up the Styrofoam cups of instant noodles that were lying about, all with their paper lids torn back. "Damn it, I need these to last me for the rest of the month!" Instant noodles: rations of starving college students everywhere. With as much as Sanji'd been spending on dorm furniture and electronics (and an essay) of late… he was quite frankly tapped. He could get a few meals out of the leftovers from his cooking classes, but he didn't have those everyday and thus… desperate times called for desperate measures. To think that he… Sanji… would be eating instant cup soup. It certainly didn't jive with the image he projected to the ladies. In all honesty the blond knew the value of food, no matter the quality, and that eating was something you should never be too stubbornly picky about having the opportunity to do. To the ladies and the rest of the world, however, he preferred to appear the gourmet.

What made it _worse_ however was the fact that Luffy was in here, systematically opening package after package and picking out all the bits of dehydrated meat and popping them into his mouth. Sanji was seeing red and snorting smoke like a bull. Was it just a coincidence that Luffy happened to wear red tops so often? Righting himself, Luffy crossed his legs in front of him as he made himself comfortable on the floor once more, back propped against the dorm door. His face melted from laughter into a pout as he stared up at the blond hoarding away all the noodles. "But Sanji, you _owe_ me meat! I tackled Zoro for you… you owe me!"

The blond fumed, cursing that Luffy would remember such a thing. He thought he heard a snicker out of Usopp, but when he jerked his head around to check he saw only the back of the computer wizard's head, although he did notice that the other's knees were shaking in his seat. Sanji leveled his eye back at Luffy. "I remember, but _wait_ until I have money again, alright? Then I'll actually _cook_ you some meat… something much better than these… brown bits of… whatever they are." Sanji didn't honestly believe anything inside the instant soup cups could be considered actual food.

The blond and the raven-haired youth stared each other down, Sanji feeling like he was on the losing end of the battle much to his chagrin. Luffy knit his brows, mouth twisting further down into a serious frown. Should a mouth be able to turn down quite like that? Behind him, Sanji thought he heard Usopp shake just a little bit more. Sanji swallowed, feeling strangely overwhelmed by Luffy (which of course he'd never admit). This tense atmosphere had developed, just over some meat?

The door slammed open, sending Luffy scrambling away just in time to avoid being knocked all the way across the room. The tense atmosphere didn't shatter though. It only became worse as a thick and murderous aura washed into the room and bathed all of the inhabitants along with the strange smell of dirt and car exhaust. Sanji was also somewhat certain he could smell fish… though not any in particular he could name (and it certainly wasn't fresh). Usopp, who'd become a living waterfall of sweat, seemed to go white and freeze. Luffy, safely on the abandoned windowsill, stared blankly for a moment before breaking into a wide grin. Sanji took in a slow long drag of his cig and leveled his gaze at the one who'd entered.

"How the fuck did you get covered in sand… where the hell have you been the past two days you shitty marimo?" His voice was a low and taunting drawl; of course there was _no_ concern in there. Just because he hadn't seen Zoro since they'd split up at the electronics store didn't mean there'd been any reason to _worry_. Just because Zoro looked like a hobo carrying his new PC in a box under his arm… it didn't mean the guy'd had a rough time the past couple of days. Roommates could go missing for a couple of days. That was normal enough, right? Still, Zoro didn't move right away, just standing there, box under one arm, other hand still on the door he'd slammed open. His eyes were fixed on Sanji, daring the bastard to say just _one thing more_ to piss him off. Sanji feigned indifference, looking away. Zoro lumbered the rest of the way into the room.

Sanji almost piped up, almost quipped that the idiot had forgotten to shut the door, but that violent aura his roommate had answered well enough for him. 'You close the fucking thing', the aura seemed to say. Sanji wondered if you could kick an aura's ass as he moved and shut it on his own, watching as the marimo slowly and plainly removed his computer from the box and started to set it up. No one said anything until Zoro's new computer was on and ready, the green haired wonder opening up an internet browser and a word document.

"So Zoro, where were ya?" Of course it'd be Luffy who asked. Sanji turned to glare at him, not wanting to have to listen to one of the normally taciturn Zoro's backwards insults. Seeing Luffy had broken into yet another one of his noodle cups, however, the blond became too preoccupied to stop his roomie from answering.

"Out," Zoro muttered bluntly, and Sanji's lip quirked up while trying to drag away his emergency 'food' rations from Luffy's clutches. His lips parted, something just about to roll off of Sanji's tongue, when murderous eyes were cast back at him. Zoro was not, to say the very least, in a good mood. You didn't survive in the same dorm room as the Marimo without being able to tell the subtle difference between his 'I'm going to kick the shit out of you if you say what you're thinking' gaze and his 'I'm going to kill you if you say what you're thinking' gaze. It was a subtle difference, but Sanji knew it. He could see it.

He also didn't seem to have much of a survival instinct, apparently. Or he had a terribly inflated ego when it came to his own fighting ability. Whatever the case, Sanji opened his mouth and Zoro was off his chair in seconds flat. In all fairness, Sanji probably could have simply opened his mouth to yawn and get that reaction from Zoro, the green haired man furious at the blond for ditching him like that. In all fairness to Zoro again though, even if Sanji had only opened his mouth to yawn, there probably would have been a silent snide remark lurking in there anyway.

The two bodies collided, and there was an excited whoop and holler from Luffy. Out of Usopp you heard a very worried 'oy oy oy I'm in here!'. The sounds of chaos began to break out in the room, two bodies scuffling about for space and leverage, one hopping about and generally getting in the way, and one skittering about and pleading for his life. When the swords came flashing out, cutting through a newly purchased floor lamp like it'd been made of paper, the only sensible one in the room could feel his life was clearly in peril. He reached for anything, anything at all.

"S-s-s-s-s-s-sanji! Y-your notebook! Careful or you'll break it!" Usopp held the flimsy looking thing high over his head, the program still installing on it anyhow. He held it up like some sort of prized treasure in a video game, trying to get the cook to notice it." He did think he maybe saw Sanji's eyes dart his way. This was a bad thing for Sanji, who nearly got the rare opportunity to look at the inside of his own stomach, incision courtesy of Dr. Roronoa. The blond fell back just in time to save his skin (and his life, but hell if Sanji would concede _that_ to Zoro), hitting into his dresser drawers and cursing loudly from the impact. A pleased feral grin was plastered on Zoro's face, and the green haired man wasn't planning on relenting. Oh he knew, he knew just how much he could cut up his roommate without getting into trouble. No way would he stop until then, the blond needed to learn who was boss in this room again.

"Oy shithead, if you break the Mac that the lovely Nami picked out for me you're dead!" The blond bellowed, his focus narrowing in on Zoro properly again. If the wannabe swordsman thought he'd be beating Sanji in here, he was certainly crazy. The blond dodged as three swords swept at him, singing with the want for blood. There wasn't much room in their dorm, and though Sanji flipped back onto his hands, there was no true space to launch into a spinning kick. Instead he had to settle for a more direct and linear downward kick, the force enough to put quite the nice little dent in the floor. It missed Zoro, though, and the blond was quick to regain his footing. Swords flashed out again and met with shoe, the force of the two blows colliding seeming to send out a wave of pressure through the room.

Luffy cheered, and Usopp yelped in distress as he stumbled back against the wall. Sanji didn't take his eyes off Zoro, the fight growing far too intense to slip like that, but his voice carried his glare at Usopp all the same. "Don't you fucking DARE break that laptop! Be careful with it!"

"I'm trying but if you two would just-"

"If it breaks you're next!"

Usopp let out a squeak, and then decided on the only sensible thing to do. If guarding the laptop now equated to guarding his own life, then Usopp sure as hell wasn't staying in this room. No way no how! But getting out and past the two clashing in the center would be a problem. He needed help. "L-luffy! Lunch for a week if you get me out of the room!"

Much later, Usopp would take the time to reflect on the importance of clearly stating a request to Luffy, would contemplate the value of words and phrases like 'safely' and 'carefully' and 'don't throw me out the window'. For now, as the long-nose sat up from where his body had made an indent into the dirt and grass beneath Sanji and Zoro's dorm room, he could really only think about how he was thanking his lucky stars that he'd managed to hold onto the laptop and keep the stupid thing safe. Usopp's body sang out at him in pain, the lyrics along the lines of a broken rib and severed vertebrae. The song was obviously overdramatic, but what in Usopp's life wasn't? The college student did manage to get up, and as he checked on the status of the install, he let out a long sigh of relief. It was a success. It was done. He could almost escape this nightmare.

Above him he could hear furniture breaking and the sound of three bodies locked in combat. Here and there he heard curses, taunts, insults, and irate complaints about someone being involved in the fight for no good reason. Usopp sighed, wondering just how in the world he'd come to have such a circle of friends. It was a mystery to him, that was for sure.

Safely down here, out of the fight and free from the oppressive glare of the future cook, Usopp reflected on how it was surely unfair to have to do a favor for Sanji in war conditions… all for free. Yeah sure, this was illegal software he was giving Sanji, and installing it wasn't rocket science, but it was the time and the expectations and the… notebook protection fee that Usopp thought he should be getting compensated here. He glanced up at the window. He glanced down at the now Windows operating notebook.

Sanji could take a joke, right? If only Usopp's 'I-will-not-play-pranks-that-will-lead-to-my-death Disease' had been acting up. If only.

Later that night, when Zoro had gone to sleep on the still functional remains of his bed, and Luffy had left with the rest of Sanji's food for the month, the cook found his notebook waiting for him outside the dorm, safely outside the door. It was safe and whole and Usopp had left a note on it. It wasn't a long note, simply stating that the install was complete as well as outlining a few other things the blond should keep in mind. Sanji had smiled, feeling that at least _something_ had gone right that night. As he nursed a rather nasty cut on his hip, he puffed out vengeful balls of smoke in the marimo's direction. In his sleep, Zoro looked entirely too pleased with himself, and the air of victory that he held to pissed Sanji off to no end. Not that the blond was acknowledging anything here. They'd tied so far as he was concerned. A draw. Fuck, no, the swordsman had lost and that was that. Yeah.

Curling up in a sleeping bag, possibly the smartest purchase the blond had ever made, Sanji decided he'd get to work on his school papers in the morning. He was damn tired.

- - -

- - -

"Ok… everything looks good… that Usopp sure knows what he's doin with these things… that's for sure…" Sanji's voice was low, a mutter made around his cig as he relaxed out in the quad. His room was rather uncomfortable at the moment, what with the broken furniture and moody roommate, and thus Sanji had decided to come out here to get some work done. He could smoke freely outside here as well, which was always nice. No one could stop him from smoking at the dorm, yes, but it was nice not to have any mental bitching tossed his way.

The computer had booted up precisely as expected, and Sanji stared at the screen once it was done loading. Familiar icons greeted him, and hey, Usopp had even set up a background picture that Sanji didn't immediately hate. He swished his finger along the touchpad, watching the mouse icon move and follow his motions. The blond grinned and nodded his head. Maybe he'd cook something nice for Usopp later as a thank you. Unlike some people Sanji could name, _he_ wasn't an ungrateful bastard. Tapping his finger over the icon for Word, Sanji waited for the notebook to load up the program. Absolutely nothing happened. Sanji frowned and tried to double tap again. The icon didn't even highlight. Scowling, the blond used the buttons under the touchpad, tried to click the word processing icon again. Yet again the notebook seemed to ignore him.

"The fuck? Shit, did Usopp mess up?"

Grinding the cig in his teeth just slightly, Sanji tried using the start menu, figuring he could open the word processor that way and bug Usopp about why the icons weren't working later. The start menu seemed to be against him as well. "Fucking piece of shit!" Sanji roared, getting quite a few panicked stares from those around him. Suddenly, the quad was a lot less occupied than it'd been only moments before. Smoke billowed from Sanji's nose and mouth dangerously, his eyes staring murder and death and oaths to eat the notebooks electronic children in a stew. He wanted to throw the stupid thing on the ground and stomp on it. Instead he took in deep long drags, filling his lungs with filth and nicotine in an attempt to calm his temper. _'Keep it cool… you don't want to break the notebook Nami picked out, right? Right? Think of how sad the goddess would be if she found out.'_ This seemed to sober him up enough to cause the chef in training to fish into his pocket for the note Usopp had left with the notebook that night. Aside from a pack of cigs, his lighter, and his sadly emaciated wallet, there was nothing else. The note was, most likely, in another pair of pants.

"Fuck." Sanji took the last drag of his cig and ground it out under his heel, chewing on his lip and furrowing that curly brow of his as he attempted to remember what the hell to do here. How could you access a program, or the start menu of Windows, if the icons on the screen weren't working, and the Start menu on the bottom left was ignoring your mouse as well? _'Wasn't there… a button… you could hit a button and… what was… the Windows key! That's it!'_ Sanji wanted to shake his own hand for remembering it! Overjoyed at this mental victory over his technological curse, Sanji's vision shot down to stare at the keyboard. He looked for the key with the Windows logo on it. He stared… and stared… and stared. Where was… it? No matter how hard he looked, however, he just couldn't ever seem to find the Windows key on his shiny new Mac Notebook. Imagine that.

Sanji's vision went a sort of funny shade of orange, and when the haze cleared he felt deathly calm. He took in a deep breath. He stared up at the blue of the sky. He listened to the song of a bird, somewhere off in the distance. He stretched out his arms and took in another long slow lungful of good clean air. The world had never ever seemed so very sharp and clear and focused before. His lips curled into a smile. He collected the smoking pieces of his notebook. Yes, it was time to go and say 'thank you' properly.

- - -

- - -

Had he not been (rightfully) fearing for his life, Usopp would have been laughing his ass off. As it was, Luffy was doing enough laughing for the both of them. Rather, Luffy was laughing enough for all three of them. As the blond held Usopp by the collar of his shirt up against the wall, there was a decided lack of mirth to the man. Words of absolute utter incredulous anger spilled from Sanji's tongue, venomous and rage filled enough to make the foulest demon blush. While Usopp was really rather used to hearing such out of the blond, it was another thing entirely to hear them directed at him over something he'd done. Hey, Usopp was a young adult male in college. It was only natural that he play a prank or two, make a bad decision or two. Right?

"I'm r-r-r-really sorry Sanji! It was a joke… a joke! Honest! I left you that n-n-n-no don't kill me!" The long-nosed one flinched and shuddered when Sanji's foot had begun to move from the ground. "The note! The note! I left it so you'd have the work around! So that you'd be ok until you brought the notebook to me! It was just a joke… a joke!"

"It wasn't fucking funny! How was I supposed to-"

"Hahahaha…" Luffy's voice seemed to drown out Sanji's outrage, the campus clown nearly unable to breath. Wiping at his eye, the black haired kid looked Sanji dead in the eye. "Usopp did that to my computer. Hid all my icons and toolbar and junk. Took me a minute to figure out what he'd done… haha…" Luffy lapsed back into laughter. Usopp nervously tried to join in and Sanji… Sanji went absolutely still. Luffy… Luffy had… figured it out? Luffy had been smart enough not to flip out and think his computer was broken? Luffy… _Luffy_… had puzzled out a trick that Sanji had… not…

His fingers went slack, his hand releasing Usopp who wasted no time in scrambling away and to safety. Sanji's gaze went glassy, his body swaying slightly before his shoulders hunched down in utter defeat. _'Honestly… Luffy?'_ His arms sagged down, his head bowed. A cloud of doom seemed to grow over him, and without a word the blond started his way out of Usopp's dorm room and back towards his own moss infested one. Usopp heaved a sigh of relief while Luffy poked his head out of the room.

"Hey Sanji, when are you gonna cook for me?"

The blond stopped for just a moment before he kept on walking.

He fucking hated college.

He fucking hated _computers_.

* * *

**End Notes:**

Yes… I affirm that even _Luffy_ could use a computer better than Sanji. At least… in this story he can. Anyhow… Zoro… I think you might want to hide your computer…


End file.
